15 COMMON INTERVIEW QUESTIONS AND HOW TO ANSWER THEM:

1. So, tell me a little about yourself.
I’d be very surprised if you haven’t been asked this one at every interview. It’s probably the most asked question because it sets the stage for the interview and it gets you talking. Be careful not to give the interviewer your life story here. You don’t need to explain everything from birth to present day. Relevant facts about education, your career and your current life situation are fine.

2. Why are you looking (or why did you leave your last job)?
This should be a straightforward question to answer, but it can trip you up. Presumably you are looking for a new job (or any job) because you want to advance your career and get a position that allows you to grow as a person and an employee. It’s not a good idea to mention money here, it can make you sound mercenary. And if you are in the unfortunate situation of having been downsized, stay positive and be as brief as possible about it. If you were fired, you’ll need a good explanation. But once again, stay positive.

3. Tell me what you know about this company.
Do your homework before you go to any interview. Whether it’s being the VP of marketing or the mailroom clerk, you should know about the company or business you’re going to work for. Has this company been in the news lately? Who are the people in the company you should know about? Do the background work, it will make you stand out as someone who comes prepared, and is genuinely interested in the company and the job.

4. Why do you want to work at X Company?
This should be directly related to the last question. Any research you’ve done on the company should have led you to the conclusion that you’d want to work there. After all, you’re at the interview, right? Put some thought into this answer before you have your interview, mention your career goals and highlight forward-thinking goals and career plans.

5. What relevant experience do you have?
Hopefully if you’re applying for this position you have bags of related experience, and if that’s the case you should mention it all. But if you’re switching careers or trying something a little different, your experience may initially not look like it’s matching up. That’s when you need a little honest creativity to match the experiences required with the ones you have. People skills are people skills after all, you just need to show how customer service skills can apply to internal management positions, and so on.

6. How are you when you’re working under pressure?
Once again, there are a few ways to answer this but they should all be positive. You may work well under pressure, you may thrive under pressure, and you may actually PREFER working under pressure. If you say you crumble like a pack of cards, this is not going to help you get your foot in the door.

7. What motivates you to do a good job?
The answer to this one is not money, even if it is. You should be motivated by life’s noble pursuits. You want recognition for a job well done. You want to become better at your job. You want to help others or be a leader in your field.

8. What’s your greatest strength?
This is your chance to shine. You’re being asked to explain why you are a great employee, so don’t hold back and stay do stay positive. You could be someone who thrives under pressure, a great motivator, an amazing problem solver or someone with extraordinary attention to detail. If your greatest strength, however, is to drink anyone under the table or beat your opponent in a game of FIFA11, keep it to yourself. The interviewer is looking for work-related strengths.

9. What’s your biggest weakness?
If you’re completely honest, you may be kicking yourself in the butt. If you say you don’t have one, you’re obviously lying. This is a horrible question and one that politicians have become masters at answering. They say things like “I’m perhaps too committed to my work and don’t spend enough time with my family.” Oh, there’s a fireable offense.

I’ve even heard “I think I’m too good at my job, it can often make people jealous.” Please, let’s keep our feet on the ground. If you’re asked this question, give a small, work-related flaw that you’re working hard to improve. Example: “I’ve been told I occasionally focus on details and miss the bigger picture, so I’ve been spending time laying out the complete project every day to see my overall progress.”

10. Let’s talk about salary. What are you looking for?
Run for cover! This is one tricky game to play in an interview. Even if you know the salary range for the job, if you answer first you’re already showing all your cards. You want as much as possible, the employer wants you for as little as you’re willing to take.

You may want to say, “well, that’s something I’ve thought long and hard about and I think someone with my experience should get between X & Y.” Or, you could be sly and say, “right now, I’m more interested in talking more about what the position can offer my career.” That could at least buy you a little time to scope out the situation. But if you do have a specific figure in mind and you are confident that you can get it, I’d say go for it.

11. Are you good at working in a team?
Unless you have the I.Q. of a houseplant, you’ll always answer YES to this one. It’s the only answer. How can anyone function inside an organization if they are a loner? You may want to mention what part you like to play in a team though; it’s a great chance to explain that you’re a natural leader.

12. Would you rather work for money or job satisfaction?
It’s not a very fair question is it? We’d all love to get paid a Trump-like salary doing a job we love but that’s rare indeed. It’s fine to say money is important, but remember that NOTHING is more important to you than the job. Otherwise, you’re just someone looking for a bigger paycheck.

13. Would you rather be liked or feared?
The genuine answer should be “Neither, I’d rather be respected.” You don’t want to be feared because fear is no way to motivate a team. You may got the job done but at what cost? Similarly, if you’re everyone’s best friend you’ll find it difficult to make tough decisions or hit deadlines. But when you’re respected, you don’t have to be a complete bastard or a lame duck to get the job done.

14. So, explain why I should hire you.
As I’m sure you know, “because I’m great” or “I really need a job” are not good answers here. This is a time to give the employer a laundry list of your greatest talents that just so happen to match the job description. It’s also good to avoid taking potshots at other potential candidates here. Focus on yourself and your talents, not other people’s flaws.

15. Finally, do you have any questions to ask me?
I’ll finish the way I started, with one of the most common questions asked in interviews. This directly relates to the research you’ve done on the company and also gives you a chance to show how eager and prepared you are. You’ll probably want to ask about benefits if they haven’t been covered already. A good generic one is “how soon could I start, if I were offered the job of course.” You may also ask what you’d be working on. Specifically, in the role you’re applying for and how that affects the rest of the company. Always have questions ready, greeting this one with a blank stare is a rotten way to finish your interview. Good luck and happy job hunting.

ON CHASTITY

Sexual abstinence (also known as continence, is the practice of refraining from some or all aspects of sexual activity for medical, psychological, legal, social, financial, philosophical, moral or religious reasons. Asexuality is distinct from sexual abstinence and celibacy, which are behavioral and generally motivated by factors such as an individual's personal or religious beliefs.

HISTORY

The ancient world discouraged promiscuity for both health and social reasons. According to Pythagoras (6th century BCE) sex should be practiced in the winter, but not the summer, but was harmful to male health in every season because the loss of semen was dangerous, hard to control and both physically and spiritually exhausting, but had no effect on females.

This idea may have been merged with Zoroastrian ideas of good and evil in a philosophy known as gnosticism, which influenced Christian and Islamic attitudes to sexual activity.

WESTERN ATTITUDES

Historically, there has been a swing from the sexually liberal end of the Industrial Revolution to the chaste values of the early Victorian period. This was then followed by a new puritanism from the late Victorian era to the mid-1900s. This important transformation often colors discussion of sexual behavior in the later 20th century. World War I began a return to sexual freedom and indulgence, but more often than not, the appearance of conforming to the earlier moral values of abstinence before marriage was retained. With the conclusion of World War II, the societal importance of abstinence declined swiftly. The advent of the first oral contraceptive pill and widely available antibiotics suppressed many consequences of wide and free sexual behavior, while social morals were also changing. By the 1970s, abandonment of premarital chastity was no longer taboo in the majority of western societies, and the reverse became true. To have experienced a number of sexual partners before marriage became the new norm. Some cultural groups continued to place a value on the moral purity of an abstainer, but abstinence was caught up in a wider reevaluation of moral values.

During the early 20th century, prominent feminist and birth control advocate Margaret Sanger argued that abstinence from sexual activity led to greater endurance and strength, and was a sign of the best of the species:

"Though sex cells are placed in a part of the anatomy for the essential purpose of easily expelling them into the female for the purpose of reproduction, there are other elements in the sexual fluid which are the essence of blood, nerve, brain, and muscle. When redirected in to the building and strengthening of these, we find men or women of the greatest endurance greatest magnetic power. A girl can waste her creative powers by brooding over a love affair to the extent of exhausting her system, with the results not unlike the effects of masturbation and debauchery." [Sanger 1920, p. 46]

In some cultures, those who infringe the rules regarding chastity may be ostracized. Social re-acceptance can sometimes be regained by marriage between the two. In the West, in the mid-20th century, there was a stigma attached to being a 'one-parent family,' and an illegitimate child could be legitimized by the marriage of the parents. (This latter is still the case in many Western countries, though the lifting of legal penalties and social stigma regarding illegitimacy has rendered this irrelevant to social acceptance.)

LONG-TERM ABSTINENCE

Lifelong (or at least long-term) abstinence, often associated with philosophical or religious asceticism, is distinguished from chastity before marriage. Abstinence is often viewed as an act of self-control over the natural desire to have sex. The display of the strength of character allows the abstainer to set an example for those not able to contain their "base urges." At other times, abstinence has been seen as a great social skill practiced by those who refuse to engage with the material and physical world. Some groups that propose sexual abstinence consider it an essential means to reach a particular intellectual or spiritual condition, or that chastity allows one to achieve a required self-control or self-consciousness.

ABSTINENCE AS A LIFESTYLE

Although many individuals abstain from sex for reasons such as religion or morality, for some individuals, sexual abstinence is a lifestyle choice. Those individuals who fall into this category may have a dislike of sex (antisexualism), or are simply not interested in it (asexuality). They may view sex as an unnecessary part of human life. As with other lifestyle choices, this attitude toward sex and relationships can vary greatly. Some who choose such a lifestyle still accept sex for reproduction, some engage in romantic relationships, and some engage in masturbation.

HISTORICAL VIEWS ON ABSTINENCE

Throughout history, and especially prior to the 20th century, there have been those who have held that sexual abstinence confers numerous health benefits. For males, lack of abstinence was thought to cause a reduction of vitality. In modern times, the argument has been phrased in biological terms, claiming that loss of semen through ejaculation results in a depletion of vital nutrients such as lecithin and phosphorus, which are also found at high levels in the brain. Conservation of the semen allegedly allows it to be reabsorbed back into the bloodstream and aid in the healthy development of the body. Along these lines, the noted German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche spoke of the positive physiological effects of abstinence: "The reabsorption of semen by the blood ... perhaps prompts the stimulus of power, the unrest of all forces towards the overcoming of resistances ... The feeling of power has so far mounted highest in abstinent priests and hermits" (quoted by Walter Kaufman in his classic, Nietzsche: Philosopher, Psychologist, Antichrist, p. 222). Before the "sexual revolution" of the 1960s, it was commonly believed by members of the medical profession that numerous mental and physical diseases in men were caused primarily by loss of nutrients through seminal discharge, and that the deliberate conservation of this substance would lead to increased health, vitality, and intellectual prowess. This also applied to masturbation, which were also thought to lead to bedwetting and hairy palms.

Some advantages in favor of sexual abstinence were also claimed by Walter Siegmeister, better known as Dr. Raymond W. Bernard A.B., M.A., PhD, an early 20th century American alternative health, esoteric writer, author and mystic, who formed part of the alternative reality subculture. In his essay entitled Science discovers the physiological value of continence (1957) he states:

"[I]t is clear that there is an important internal physiological relation between the secretions of the sex glands and the central nervous system, that the loss of these secretions, voluntarily or involuntarily, exercises a detrimental effect on the nutrition and vitality of the nerves and brain, while, on the other hand, the conservation of these secretions has a vitalizing effect on the nervous system, a regenerating effect on the endocrine glands, and a rejuvenating effect on the organism as a whole."

POSSIBLE PHYSICAL EFFECTS

Sexual abstinence diminishes the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases but prevents one from obtaining the health benefits of sex.

Queen's University Belfast tracked the mortality of about 1,000 middle-aged men over the course of a decade. The study, published in 1997 in the British Medical Journal found that "men who reported the highest frequency of orgasm enjoyed a death rate half that of the laggards". The report also cited other studies to show that having sex even a few times a week may be associated with the following: improved sense of smell; reduced risk of heart disease; weight loss and overall fitness; reduced depression; the relief or lessening of pain; less frequent colds and flu; better bladder control; and better teeth. The report cited a study published by the British Journal of Urology International which indicated that men in their 20s can reduce by a third their chance of getting prostate cancer by ejaculating more than five times a week.

POSSIBLE PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECTS

There have been numerous studies indicating that excessive repression of the sexual instinct leads to an increase in the overall level of aggression in a given society. Societies forbidding premarital sex are plagued by acts of rage and tend to have higher rates of crime and violence. There may be a link between sexual repression and aggression, insensitivity, criminal behaviour, and a greater likelihood of killing and torturing enemies.

PREMARITAL CHASTITY

In most cultural, ethical, and religious contexts, coitus within marriage is not considered to be opposed to chastity. Some religious systems prohibit sexual activities between a person and anyone other than a spouse of that person, as have, in the past, legal systems and societal norms. In such contexts, sexual abstinence was prescribed for unmarried individuals for the purpose of chastity. Chastity has been used as a synonym for sexual abstinence, but they are similar but different behavior and restrictions.

ABSTINENCE-ONLY SEX EDUCATION

Abstinence-only sex education is a form of sex education that teaches abstinence from sex, and often excludes many other types of sexual and reproductive health education, particularly regarding birth control and safe sex. Education programs which focus exclusively on abstinence have hardly been shown to delay sexual activity. Such programs promote sexual abstinence until marriage and oftentimes condemn the use of contraceptives. Comprehensive sex education, by contrast, covers the use of contraceptives as well as abstinence.

Organizations such as SIECUS have called abstinence-only programs "fear-based," and "designed to control young people’s sexual behavior by instilling fear, shame, and guilt." Author Judith Levine has argued that there might be a natural tendency of abstinence educators to escalate their messages: "Like advertising, which must continually jack up its seduction just to stay visible as other advertising proliferates, abstinence education had to make sex scarier and scarier and, at the same time, chastity sweeter." (Harmful to Minors, p. 108)

In spite of these criticisms, federal government support has made abstinence the de facto focus of sex education in the United States, so that opponents frequently adopt the line that abstinence education is acceptable only if it is combined with other methods, such as instruction in the use of condoms, and easy availability thereof. Most nations of Western Europe use more comprehensive measures, and in sharp contrast to the heated discussion in the U.S., abstinence is hardly discussed as an educational measure.

A U.S. federal government-promoted abstinence-only program was aimed at teens in 1981 in order to discourage premarital sex and unwanted pregnancies. However, recent studies conducted by Mathematica Policy Research, showed ineffectiveness of this program. The Responsible Education About Life Act was introduced by Senator Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) and Representatives Barbara Lee (D-CA) and Christopher Shays (R-CT) to support age-appropriate sexual education. This program is focused to provide teenagers with science-based information on sexual health, so that they can make a sound decision regarding their sex-life.

In 2006, the George W. Bush administration expanded abstinence programs from teens to adults, by introducing programs to encourage unmarried adults to remain abstinent until marriage. Family-planning advocates and researchers denounced the program as unrealistic, due to the rising age of first-time marriage in the United States.

In 2010, University of Pennsylvania researchers released a model study showing that abstinence programs can be effective. The study randomly assigned some middle-school students to an eight-hour abstinence curriculum and others to sex-ed programs that included contraceptives and mixed messages. Penn researchers found that the abstinence-only offering reduced subsequent sexual activity by one-third more than other programs.

POPULARITY AND EFFECTIVENESS

The advent of AIDS helped build a more favorable view of abstinence. However, a review of 13 U.S. sex-abstinence programs involving over 15,000 people by Oxford University found that they do not stop risky sexual behavior, or help in the prevention of unwanted pregnancy. Recently, the United States Congress also found similar results in a study conducted by Mathematica Policy Research on abstinence. Currently, there are also issues as to what abstinence means: is it an abstinence from sexual intercourse, or from sexual behavior? Movements such as True Love Waits in America, which ask teenagers to refrain from sex before marriage, are heavily subscribed, but surveys of sexual behavior indicate an increase in the popularity of oral sex.

CHASTITY IN RELIGION

Some religions regard Chastity as a virtue expected of faithful adherents. This usually includes abstinence from sex for the unmarried, and fidelity to a marriage partner.

In some religions, some groups of people are expected to remain unmarried and to abstain from sex completely. These groups include monks, nuns and priests in various sects of Hinduism, Buddhism and Christianity. Chastity is required of the respective sacerdotal orders. The Shakers, on the other hand, impose chastity in the form of celibacy for all members, even forgoing procreation such as the case with the castration cult.

CHRISTIANITY

Many Christians teach that sexual intercourse is meant to take place within the context of marriage, and that sexual abstinence is the norm outside of that. But for married couples, Paul of Tarsus wrote that they should not deprive each other, except for a short time for devotion to prayer.

Catholicism defines chastity as the virtue that moderates the sexual appetite. Unmarried Catholics express chastity through sexual abstinence. Sexual intercourse within marriage is considered chaste when it retains the twofold significance of union and procreation. See also the Evangelical counsels.

The Orthodox Church teaches chastity until marriage. But even then, in accordance with the teaching of the Apostle Paul, periods of abstinence are encouraged among married couples. Traditionally, Orthodox spouses abstain from physical relations on Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays the eves of Great Feasts and throughout the four lenten periods (Great Lent, Nativity fast, Apostles fast and Dormition fast).

JUDAISM

Judaism forbids intercourse outside marriage (which is termed zenuth or promiscuity), but has no ideal of chastity. Within marriage abstinence is also required during and following a woman's menstruation. The husband is not allowed to deprive sex from his wife, even if she is not fertile (known as mitzvat 'onah').

ISLAM

Islam forbids intercourse outside of marriage; however, maintaining celibacy as an act of piety is not mentioned, while marriage for all who are able is strongly encouraged. Abstinence is practiced during the time of a woman's menstruation. Abstinence from sexual intercourse is also practiced from dawn to dusk during days where fasting is observed. Also in the time of Hajj people are not allowed to have sexual relationships, because their body has to stay pure while performing pilgrimage.

HINDUISM

The Hindu tradition of Brahmacharya places great emphasis on abstinence as a way of harnessing the energy of body and mind towards the goal of spiritual realization. In males, the semen (Veerya) is considered sacred, and its preservation (except when used for procreation) and conversion into higher life-energy (Ojas) is considered essential for the development of enhanced intellectual and spiritual capacities.

The blending of sexual and spiritual is portrayed in Hindu iconography, as seen in ubiquitous phallic and vaginal iconography in Hindu temples and for instance in the Kharjuraho and Konarak medieval temples, where thousands of couples having sex in endless positions, and with the gods, are carved in deep bas-relief. However, these depictions of sex are not generally understood to be a license for free sexual practices, but are instead meant to celebrate procreation as an integral part of existence in the universe. In actual practice, there is a strong societal taboo against pre-marital sex for both males and females, which still exists today in Hindu cultures.(needs citation)

CHASTITY BELT

A chastity belt is a locking item of clothing designed to prevent sexual intercourse. They may be used to protect the wearer from rape or temptation. Some devices have been designed with additional features to prevent masturbation. Chastity belts have been created for males and females, ostensibly for the purpose of chastity.

abels: Tribal Politics (by Mutai Ngunyi)

This is a letter to the ‘‘House of Mumbi’’, those of the GEMA community. I address you as the son of a ‘‘Mau Mau hustler’’.

I have three thoughts from my late father. When I was a boy, he gave me stories about a guy called Gikuyu and his girl, Mumbi. The two founded the tribe. They had nine girls or something like that. No son. And they lived happily there after. But I had questions about this romantic relationship. As a boy, I asked my father, who married the nine girls?

He kept quiet. Then I asked him; if they got children, who was their father? How was the tribe created? He got violent. In fact, he gave me a beating for asking questions ‘‘… without legs’’. But then later, I figured that may be he had no answer. Or may be there was a hidden secret in the tribe. I became curious. And so I began my boyish inquiry. If the only man in the tribe was Gikuyu, did he have children with his daughters?

This thought was appalling beyond. My father would have killed me for thinking so. I had to settle on a more acceptable deduction. That is: If Gikuyu had nine daughters, their children must have been fathered by other tribes. That is the Maasai, Ndorobo, Luo, Luhya, and all. But even this, my father would not accept. I had to rest my case.

Allow me now to interpret my boyish deductions. To reproduce your GEMA tribe, you have only two choices. One, you can choose the path of incest. This is the path of in-breeding and sin. Although shameful, it is the path you chose in 2007. And the results are obvious: Political incest can only produce mongoloids.

This is what you have in the coalition government. The second choice is the one taken by Gikuyu and Mumbi. They sent their daughters to breed with others. This is how the tribe survived. Your survival, therefore, depends on others; the Maasai, Ndorobo, Luo, Luhya and all. And, on this, the alternatives are zero.

My father’s second thought was given when I got circumcised. But not explicitly. He had a telephone at home; what you would call an antique today. As a way of controlling it, he locked it using a padlock from the government. He always carried the key. One day, he came home for lunch. He needed to call his boss badly.

Unfortunately, he had forgotten the key at the office. The man was disparate. And from the ‘‘kindness’’ of our hearts, my brother Peter and I decided to help. We tapped the phone for him. He watched in amazement as we handed the receiver for him to talk to the boss. When he finished his call, he stared at us with a ‘‘kali sana’’ face.

But instead of punishing us, he decided to remove the padlock for good. He knew we were smarter now. After all, we had just gotten circumcised. And this is how he gave us the second thought about the tribe. Explaining his frustration with the phone call, he told us that the Gikuyu had two categories of people; the ‘‘ahoi’’ and the ‘‘athomi’’. The ‘‘ahoi’’ were the poor.

In rural areas they walk around without shoes, their feet all cracked up. And in urban areas, they are the ‘‘shamba boys’’, the drivers and the cooks. As a driver, he told us he was in the urban group of ‘‘ahoi’’. The ‘‘athomi’’ were the educated and propertied. They were also arrogant, insensitive and ruthless.

This is why he needed to make the phone call; he had to drop their children somewhere. His point? The ‘‘athomi’’ did not think much of the ‘‘ahoi’’. They saw them as slaves of sorts. And this is how you must understand President Kibaki. Most of you follow him blindly. In fact, because you are in the ‘‘ahoi’’ group, he expects you to.

Unfortunately, and together with the ‘‘athomi’’, he dragged you into a state of civil war. They used you. And since the ‘‘athomi’’ are untouchable, you bore the brunt of the violence. Where are your IDPs today? In the meantime, you think the presidency is yours. Zero. It belongs to the ‘‘athomi’’.

Allow me to describe your position as ‘‘ahoi’’ using a story. A man set out on a journey through a thick forest full of thorns and rocks. Suddenly, an elephant appeared and gave him chase. He took off and went to hide in a well. To his horror, he saw a huge snake at the bottom of the well.

He had to cling to a thorny creeper that was growing around it. Looking up, he saw two mice chewing the creeper he was hanging on. But just as he was contemplating his next move, he saw a bee hive next to his mouth. Occasional drops of honey were trickling from the hive. And this man tested the honey. He got confused.

Although a kind man offered to help him out of his trouble, he refused. He wanted to be excused until he had enjoyed himself to the full. Not clever. Good people, you are behaving like this man. You have seen a bee hive dripping with honey.

And although you are hanging on a thin creeper between an angry elephant and a snake, you don’t care. You want to enjoy the honey, the presidency. Unfortunately, the creeper will snap and you will have to deal with the snake at the bottom of the well. On this, the choice is yours.

The third thought regards Mungiki. When my father joined Mau Mau, they called it a Mungiki-type movement. Yet it was a group of restless young people whose ‘‘wazees’’ had lost direction. I want to put it to you that you have no leadership. The ‘‘wazees’’ in your ranks have reached intellectual menopause. And in this state, they have exhibited unnecessary arrogance towards others.

As a shareholder in your tribe, I submit that you need new leadership. A leadership that will cause you to climb down in the interest of the country. One that is not beholden to the ‘‘athomi’’ and one that will respect the other communities.

mutahi@myself.com

Wisdom words by Africa's best writer: Chinua Achebe

FROM CHINUA's OEUVRE, A SMORGASBORD OF IGBO PROVERBS:

"If you want to eat a toad you look for a fat and juicy one."
"An only palm fruit does not get lost in the fire."
"A man who lives on the banks of the Niger (river) should not wash his hands in spittle."
"A man does not challenge his Chi to a wrestling match."
"When a new saying gets to the land of empty men, they lose their heads over it."
"You cannot plant greatness as you plant yams or maize. Who ever planted an iroko tree - the greatest in the forest?
You may collect all the iroko seeds in the world, open the soil and put them there. it will be in vain. The great tree
chooses where to grow and we find it there...so it is with greatness in men."
"The eye is not harmed by sleep."
"We do not want to be like the unfortunate child who grows his first tooth and grows a damaged one."
"He who has people is richer than he who has money. "
"Shall we kill a snake and carry it in our hand when we have a bag for putting things in ?"
"If a man returns from a long journey and no one says nno (welcome) to him, he feels like one who has not arrived."
"A debt may get moldy but it never rots."
"The most horrible sight in the world cannot put out the eye."
"The sun will shine on those who stand, before it shines on those who kneel under them."
"If a child washed his hands, he could eat with kings."
"When the moon is shining, the cripple becomes hungry for a walk."
"Let the kite perch and let the eagle perch too - If one says no to the other, let his wing break."
"An old woman is always uneasy when dry bones are mentioned in a proverb."
"The lizard that jumped from a high iroko tree to the ground said he would praise himself if no-one else did."
"Eneke the bird says that since men have learnt to shoot without missing, he has learnt to fly without perching."
"Those whose palm kernels were cracked for them by a benevolent spirit should not forget to be humble."
"When a person says yes, his Chi (personal god) says yes also."
"A man that makes trouble for others also makes trouble for himself."
"If one finger brings oil, it soils all the others."
"When a man blasphemes what do we do? Do we go and stop his mouth? No. We put our fingers into our ears to
stop us hearing."
"A man who calls his kinsmen to a feast does not do so to save them from starving."
"As a man danced so the drums were beaten for him."
"Whenever you see a toad jumping in broad daylight, then know that something is after its life."
"When a handshake goes below the elbow, then know that it has turned into something else."
"It is praiseworthy to be brave and fearless, but sometimes it is better to be a coward. We often stand in the
compound of a coward to point at the ruins where a brave man used to live."
"The man who has never submitted to anything will son submit to the burial pit."
"Wisdom is like a goatskin bag; every man carries his own."
"An old man is there to talk."
" If the lizard of the homestead should neglect to do the things for which its kind is know, it will be mistaken for the
lizard of the farmland."
"When an adult is in the house, the she-goat is not left to suffer the pains of parturition on its tether."
"A boy sent by his father to steal does not go stealthily but breaks the door with his feet."
"When an old woman hears the dance she knows her old age deserts her."
"It is only when you are close to a man that you can begin to smell his breath."
"If a blind man does not know his own stick, tell me what else would he know ? "
"If you fail to take away a strong man's sword when he is on the ground, will you do it when he gets up? "
"A man who avoids danger for years and then gets killed in the end has wasted his care."
"When a mad man walks naked, it is his kinsmen who feel shame, not himself."
"A madman may sometimes speak a true word."
"A madman may sometimes speak a true word, but you watch him, he will soon add something to it that will tell you
his mind is spoilt."
"A goat does not eat into a hen's stomach no matter how friendly the two may be."
"A man of worth never gets up to unsay what he said yesterday."
"The inquisitive eye will only blind its own sight."
"A man who does not lick his lips, can he blame the harmattan for drying them ? "
"If we fall back, can we complain that others are rushing forward ?"
"When suffering knocks on your door and you say there is no seat for him, he tells you not to worry because he has
brought his own stool."
"What a man does not know is greater than he."
"Only a foolish man can go after a leopard with his bare hands."
"In dealing with a man who thinks you are a fool, it is good sometimes to remind him that you know what he knows
but have chosen to appear foolish for the sake of peace."
"A man may refuse to do what is asked of him but he may not refuse to be asked."
"When we hear a house has fallen do we ask if the ceiling fell with it ?"
"The death that will kill a man begins as an appetite."
"If a man sought for a companion who acted entirely like himself, he would live in solitude."
"He is a fool who treats his brother worse than a stranger."
"The greatest liar among men still speaks the truth to his own son."
"A boy who tries to wrestle with his father gets blinded by the old man's loin cloth."
"A woman who began cooking before another must have more broken utensils."
"When we see an old woman stop her dance to point again and again in the same direction, we can be sure that
somewhere there something happened long ago which touched the roots of her life."
"In all great componds there must be people of all minds - some good, some bad, some fearless and some cowardly;
those who bring in wealth and those who scatter it, those who give good advice and those who only speak the words
of palm wine. That is why we say that whatever tune you play in the compond of a great man there is always
someone to dance to it."
"When brothers fight to death a stranger inherits their father's estate."
"The man that brings ant-infested faggots into his hut should not grumble when lizards begin to pay him a visit."
"A disease that has never been seen before cannot be cured with every-day herbs."
"No matter how many spirits plot a man's death, it comes to nothing unless his Chi (personal god), has a hand in the
deliberation."
"A man who means to buy palm wine does not hang about at home until all the palm wine in the market is sold."
"If you thank a man for what he has done he will have strength to do more."
"The language of young men is pull down and destroy; but an old man speaks of conciliation."
"It is the fear of offence that makes men swallow poison."
"A traveler to distant places should make no enemies"
"Travellers with closed minds can tell us little except about themselves"
"A man of sense does not go hunting little bush rodents when his agemates are after big game"
"No man however great is greater than his people"
"Every lizard lies on its belly, so we cannot tell which has a belly-ache"

Special regards to Chinua Achebe.

By Kiplangat Enock Kigen

The childhood memories...

THOSE DAYS....

The days when innocence was our second name and you were wrong if you didn't include 'ignorant' in you description.

The days when life was all about crying so that Mbula could construct for me 'tiret', a traditional tyre made from tree branches for boys. Mbula was loyal. He would disappear to the bushes of Kapchebusit and come back with a set of flexible tree branches(they called them torotwet). Those were the raw materials needed to produce what would comfort my heart and keep me busy. I would go riding my 'tiret' on the road while making funny sounds imitating a car. If you never shouted ndruuuunnn....ndruuuuu.... and didiiiiidnn in your days then you don't know what am talcking about. And then there were these irritating mannerless neighbours who would stop just to ask you, “Mi gaa obot iplangat ooh?” Though I kept my respect I never used to answer with my mouth coz my mouth was busy with the ndruuu... and didiii... business. A nod in the affirmative would do the job.

Now came the time to go to school. Nursery school must have been one hell of a place. Colleagues would stare at you with surprised eyes whenever you shit on yourself yet they were not exceptions in this impromptu business of doing poo poo. Mine was never different from theirs. Gazing was what they did best. But my time would come to also stare at their embarrassment. Our teacher, a young lady, would stand before us under that tree(Uswet), a black board hanging on a tree behind her. She would sing for us those “a, e, I, o u” things and then finish with “A,B,C,D,....” stuff. Those were the lessons taught the whole year. Boring. End year was approaching and when it finally came, number 32 out of 33 was appropriate for me. Number 33 had not done the exams. So bad I wasn't gifted in ABCDs.

Then there was this teacher. They use to call him D.C but due to my age I had to say “Mr DC”. He was a good neighbour. A good neighbour not because of his personality nor character. Of course he was away most of the time and thus his character and personality was also away. He would come back in the evening with a distorted gait while speaking more than he knew He was a good neighbour because he used to send me with a five-shilling coin to buy him two rolls of cigarette from the local shop. Two of them cost four shillings and fifty cent and the remaining fifty cent was always my commission for the transport services offered. I then would speed like an antelope, my 'tiret' rolling with speed too in front of me. Of course I wasn't speeding. The prospect of me being fifty-cents richer was actually speeding me. That was big money then. With one shilling you would get yourself 10 pieces of coin-size biscuits and a fifty-cent coin was thus enough for five of them which would take me some good days to finish. Not that they were too many for me but because I had to employ some speed governor lest I finish them before “MR D.C” sends me for another two rolls. I never understood why they sold two at Kshs 4.50/-. In fact I don't remember buying one piece. Mr D.C used to call me “Captain”. I don't know why, but whenever I had his voice shouting “Captain!! Captain!!”, I always knew I was about to get richer by fifty-cents.

Now, weekends were the most interesting days. There was no going to school and thus no singing those Maasai songs that Mr Museveni, the headmaster liked so much. They called him Museveni and I suspect his cows were also stolen like his counterpart across L. Victoria. May be not by Pokots but probably by the maasais coz he liked Maasai songs more than he liked himself. I was telling you why weekends were so good before this Museveni thing interrupted me. Yes, on weekends there was no wearing of that khaki school short that revealed the geography of my sitting apparatus. Never mind the same Museveni thing still dervived joy in hitting hard at the same place and I would be reeling in pain. That happened when I failed to remember the stanzas of the silly maasai dirges. Weekends, there was no being laughed at by friends for shiting on yourself. Most importantly, weekends were also time to do business. We would collect weaving sisal, place them in bundles big enough for mamas to carry them on their backs. Each bundle went for 5 shillings. That was millions believe me. Millions enough to buy 50 pieces of biscuits. Of course we needed balance diet and whenever we had lucky occasions like this we would budget the money to accommodate sweets and chewing gum. This was the eating order: Biscuits were eaten first(literally eating). Then followed the business of chewing those plastic like elastic things called Sitkam. We were professional chewers then. We had mastered the different styles of making 'ntyolntyol' sounds at intervals while chewing. And then blowing them to produce bubble-like balls. So good. Abduba Dida's laws of nutrition never applied in this case. There was no one-third-water-one-third-githeri bulshit. There was no “pungs of hunger” theory. Finally, sweets would be the only consolation when a disagreement ensued over who was finishing his share of biscuits earlier than the rest. To finish fast meant you were likely to borrow from others. A very bad idea.

And then you would go home to meet an angry mother. Angry that you didn't come home for lunch. Angry that you went to people's houses(korikab bik) without permision. Angry that you most likely did “bad things” to “tetyo” or “chelel”. Of course “obot tetyo” (mama tetyo) would be yelling the loudest at your doorstep the following morning. Not that you had really done anything but because you had the potential of doing it and that they were justified to believe you actually did. How else could we explain why “tetyo” had not eaten supper the previous day? Never mind each one of us were giving her our share of biscuits and she was munching like she was in an eating competition. Those were the bird things we were capable of doing....

It's 10.00 o'clock the same day and 'tetyo' is right there......